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Your mamma's so ugly that when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

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One dark night outside a small town near Christchurch, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved and we will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.

As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire station who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Maori rural township volunteer Fire Company composed mainly of Maoris over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the Maori old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.

It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Well," said Rangi, the 70-year-old fire chief, "The first thing we gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck!"

Miscellaneous

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Miscellaneous

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage...

TWO YEAR DEGREE

A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn a MA degree (Male Arts).

Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A: What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You're Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102: Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How to Put the Toilet Seat Down (Elective)
(See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don't Look Like Allen Iverson
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:
EAT 101: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-in-law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

Miscellaneous

Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?

A: Space. The final frontier..........

More Miscellaneous Jokes

Hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?

Used to lay awake every night wondering if there really was a dog!!

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

Site Summary: The Coldrick Web Site is available to everyone and the content is family orientated. It is a place to slow down, relax and browse. It isn't a fast paced site. To get the most from the site you need to click a few buttons and read the pages or look at the pictures. There are over 2000 jokes which appear randomly at the bottom of most pages, admittedly many are quite lame. We even believe that the lamest joke in the world may be amongst them - see if you can find it. A few jokes may be slightly risque but we don't believe there are any that would be unsuitable for a young audience. There are over 1700 trivia questions which can be browsed using the random trivia page. You may like to play the trivia quiz when you feel you know enough of the answers. The site also contains some information on UFO's (Unidentified Flying Objects) and some interesting paranormal information including voodoo, spontaneous human combustion and psychic powers. You might like to voice your opinion on the questions in the Polls Page, or check the family tree to see if you may be remotely related to the yobbo's who run the site. We assure you that no Eskimos were harmed in the production of these pages. The trivia pages include questions on general knowledge as well as obscurities. Questions include such topics as Aboriginal mythology, actors and actresses, politicians, Television, movies, airports, buildings, countries, addresses, cities, states, body parts, animals, people, astronomy, astrology, books, artists, flowers, chemicals, dinosours, collective names, diseases, inventors, phobias, similes, songs, music, true or false, ghosts, paranormal, ufo's. Sample Questions: What is another name for a Woodchuck? What is the name for a baby otter? Which mammal has oval blood cells? What is the more common name for Trinitrotoluene? What is the nickname for New York? Which country has the motto God is Most Great? What is the study of noses called? What was Jason Donovan's character name in Neighbours? What is heliophobia? Complete the simile - As naked as a…

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Redneck
Beautiful People Really

Religion
No holds barred

Adult Jokes
Requires Password